1) Guns for making all those poor innocent criminals break the law.
2) The old, dead white guys who founded America and their ridiculous, outdated Constitution that doesn’t mention global warming or limits on soda size even once.
3) Nosy voters who ask questions like, “What kind of change?” and “Forward to where?”
4) Adorable little kids who want to run lemonade stands…WITHOUT A PERMIT!
5) The fact that Sarah Palin is the single best feminist role model in a generation while the Left’s #1 feminist role model, Hillary Clinton, built her whole career around marrying the right guy.
6) Deciding issues based on the merits as opposed to going with whatever makes you sound “nice.”
7) Informed voters.
8) Those “deceptive” “negative” campaign ads that take liberals “completely out of context” by quoting them when they take unpopular positions.
9) Minorities who actually expect Democrats to make their life better in return for their vote.
10) People who define patriotism as actually loving your country.
11) Black men who don’t take orders from white liberals.
12) That no government program exists that can force Fox News to make Chris Matthews the head of its network.
13) Judging from Barack Obama’s presidency so far — jobs.
14) People who think anyone responsible enough to have sex is responsible enough to buy their own birth control.
15) All those dirty polluters who put a higher value on having electricity 24 hours a day at a reasonable cost with oil rather than using extremely expensive alternative energy sources that are only a few decades away from being almost as good.
16) Debt limits, budgets and anything else that makes it harder for liberals to spend other people’s money.
17) People who want to hear from conservatives what they believe instead of just accepting what liberals say conservatives believe.
18) Expecting liberals to live up to the same standards they want to impose on everyone else as opposed to tactfully ignoring their staggering hypocrisy because they “mean well.”
19) The South.
20) People who believe they should be allowed to choose what lightbulbs they want to use in their own house.
21) Crazy radicals who believe our country should live within its means even if it means the guy who plays Big Bird won’t be able to afford to have a butler.
22) The idea that everyone should be judged by the content of his character, not the color of his skin.
23) Voters who expect liberals to keep the campaign promises they made when they were pretending to be moderates in order to get elected.
24) All these Christians who actually insist on trying to stick to the Bible instead of Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi’s interpretation of what God really meant to say.
25) People who live in America and actually like America, even when a Democrat isn’t in charge.