I am confused. . .

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Yes, I Remember

Remember Slow Food?
‘Someone asked the other day, ‘What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?’
‘We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,
I informed him.
‘All the food was slow.’
‘C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?’
‘It was a place called ‘at
Home,” I explained. !
‘Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.’
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levi’s, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.
I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 11.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 19 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called ‘pizza pie.’ When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It’s still the best pizza I ever had.
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers–my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6 AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren
Just don’t blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn’t what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother’s house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to ‘sprinkle’ clothes with because we didn’t have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5 Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels…[if you were fortunate)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15.S&H green stamps
16. Hi-fi’s
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packard’s
21. Roller skate keys
22.Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You’re still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don’t tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You’ re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don’t forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really good
OLD FRIENDS

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Quotes for March 18th

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
Will Rogers
I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers

I’m a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.
Oscar Levant

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant

I don’t drink. I don’t like it. It makes me feel good.
Oscar Levant

 

 

 

Election 2016

Well we have one week until the election. Since this has been one of the most interesting elections I have seen in many years I am going to be very bored after next week. I have 2 of my blogs I dedicate to pro conservative / anti liberal and now I have to repurpose them for the next 4 years. And Twitter and Facebook. . . there will not be much to retweet and share so I guess for the next 4 years we will be inundated with cute cat pictures. . . . I would run away and join a circus but I can’t fit into that little clown car anymore.

Inconsistencies, Ramblings, Whatever . . .

I have noticed that the animal lovers in the family periodically say they don’t like to eat meat and lament about becoming a vegetarian.    However these same people when buying dog or cat food always make sure that “real meat” is in the bag.

When shopping in the grocery store there is no sign for toilet paper;  it is always labeled “Bath Tissue”.  Now who in their right mind when getting into the shower would grab a roll of “Bath Tissue”?   You can’t wash or dry with it, it would fall apart and be totally useless.

There are times when listening to music I always think to myself that the music from long ago had more meaning and better lyrics etc.   However it is about then that I hear songs with lyrics like “ram a lama ding dong” or “alley oop boop”, “I’m shaking like a man on a fuzzy tree” and then there is return to sender;  now when have you ever been able to mail a letter and have it returned the very next day – turn around on that would probably be about 5 or 6 days minimum.

From Twitter: Church Curmudgeon

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Mar 28

Do King James Only churches post their sermons on ThouTube?

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon 24h24 hours ago

Scandal at the National Amateur Handbell Choir Tournament. Looks like the winning team hired a couple of ringers.

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Jun 8

If Trump would just identify as a woman, we’d have the perfect storm.

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Jun 7

On the positive side, they’ve discovered a new perpetual energy source: All the founding fathers spinning in their graves. #PrimaryDay

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Jun 6

First day of VBS, and I got 3 kids to rededicate themselves to staying off the lawn.

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Jun 2

This election is pretty much proof that someone went back a million years in a time machine and stepped on a butterfly.

Church Curmudgeon@ChrchCurmudgeon Jun 2

Lady next door uses a 24-hour lawn service. Doesn’t bother me, except when . . . In the midnight hour, she cries, “Mow, mow, mow!”

TV Shows I Watch

It seems logical to go through the week, soooooo.

Mondays lately I watch Scorpion and NCIS LA.    Even though I have always liked NCIS LA I am getting tired of it with the characters always bickering like a couple old ladies all the time.   As for scorpion I kind of like the quirky personalities they have given Happy and Toby.   Enough said.

Tuesdays I watch NCIS and NCIS New Orleans.   I am saddened at the departure of Tony DiNozzo (Michael Weatherly) – to me he was the show almost as much as Gibbs.  Tony can go from class clown to deadly serious in a heartbeat.    As far as New Orleans I think they are going so far into the character interaction thing and the ending scenes in the bar that it takes away from the actually crime aspect – I watch it but whether I continue to watch it is up in the air.

Wednesdays the only show I really look forward to is Criminal Minds.   It has stayed true to it’s purpose and although it has changed cast members a few times I still consider it my favorite show

On Thursday night I used to watch Elementary but they seem to have moved it to Sunday night which is a bad sign as I have noticed that shows they move to Sunday are soon cancelled.    I like this show a lot and the only drawback is that the main character sometimes talks to fast I have no idea what he is saying.

There are a couple cable shows I like a lot and try not to miss them.   The first one is The Artful Detective  or on another cable channel they call it Murdoch Mysteries.     Good old fashioned detective work and even though it is set in the 1890s it alludes to things happening in todays world. Excellent show. 

The next show is Death In Paradise.   Set on an island called San Marie.   Great blend of characters and I truly enjoy all of them.

Although there are a number of sitcoms I like and enjoy – I am not really concerned if I miss them.   The top ones that I find consistently funny are 1. Big Bang Theory, 2. Black (ish), 3. Fresh Off The Boat, 4. Last Man Standing, 5. The Middle.     We watch more of them but these are the top ones that I like. 

Yogi-isms

When you come to a fork in the road, take it

We made too many wrong mistakes.

You can observe a lot by watching.

The future ain’t what it used to be.

Nobody goes there anymore; it’s too crowded.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

How can you think and hit at the same time?

I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better.

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.


You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.

He also said “I didn’t say all the things I said”

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