20 Short Clean Jokes

Complements of Chicks on the Right !

 

 

Romans 12: 1-3

King James Version

Rom 12:1  I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Rom 12:3  For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Poll: Trump surges to big lead in GOP presidential race

From Laura Ingraham’s website

July 21, 2015

Poll: Trump surges to big lead in GOP presidential race
Posted by Staff

The Washington Post:
Businessman Donald Trump surged into the lead for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination, with almost twice the support of his closest rival, just as he ignited a new controversy after making disparaging remarks about Sen. John McCain’s Vietnam War service, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

Support for Trump fell sharply on the one night that voters were surveyed following those comments. Telephone interviewing for the poll began Thursday, and most calls were completed before the news about the remarks was widely reported.

Although the sample size for the final day was small, the decline was statistically significant. Still, it is difficult to predict what could happen to Trump’s support in the coming days and weeks as the controversy plays out.

07/21/15 7:21 AM

New Poll: Americans Show Decreasing Support for Gay Marriage

From  Laura Ingraham’s website – July 21, 2015

July 20, 2015

New Poll: Americans Show Decreasing Support for Gay Marriage
Posted by Staff

Conservative Review:

It’s been over three weeks since the Supreme Court redefined marriage, nullified multiple portions of the Constitution, and implicitly blessed the budding pagan inquisition against religious liberty.  Yet, the GOP-controlled Congress has done absolutely nothing – not even on a committee level – to protect religious liberty and fight back against judicial tyranny.

If the American people actually had a party that cared about the Founding principles, the fact that some states are violating the religious liberty and private property rights of Christian business owners would be enough to inspire immediate action at a federal level.  Sadly, no such party exists. 

But don’t Republicans at least read the polling data?

07/20/15 10:25 AM

Report: As Conceal Carry Permits Climb, Murder Rates Drop

Townhall .com  Leah Barkoukis  July 19, 2015

Gun control advocates insist that tougher gun laws will reduce murder rates, but according to a new report by the Crime Prevention Research Center, just the opposite has been true under President Obama.

Since President Obama’s election the number of concealed handgun permits has soared, growing from 4.6 million in 2007 to over 12.8 million this year. Among the findings in our report:

— The number of concealed handgun permits is increasing at an ever- increasing rate. Over the past year, 1.7 million additional new permits have been issued – a 15.4% increase in just one single year. This is the largest ever single-year increase in the number of concealed handgun permits. […]

— Between 2007 and 2014, murder rates have fallen from 5.6 to 4.2 (preliminary estimates) per 100,000. This represents a 25% drop in the murder rate at the same time that the percentage of the adult population with permits soared by 156%. Overall violent crime also fell by 25 percent over that period of time.

— States with the largest increase in permits have seen the largest relative drops in murder rates.

“It puts the lie to the myth promulgated by anti-gun individuals that somehow more law-abiding citizens carrying guns will lead to more crime. In fact, quite the opposite is the case,” said Larry Keene, senior vice president and general counsel for the National Shooting Sports Foundation, reports The Washington Times. “More law-abiding citizens own firearms for self-protection, and crime continues to decline.”

Increasingly, too, polling shows support for gun ownership growing and support for gun control falling. The former eclipsed the latter in December of 2014, when for the first time the American public found it more important to protect Second Amendment rights than control gun ownership.

“The public increasingly understands that gun control is a failed social experiment, and it doesn’t work,” Keene said, reports the Times. “All gun control ever does is infringe upon the rights of the law-abiding citizens and does nothing to stop criminals from illegally acquiring firearms, and it doesn’t stop them from misusing them in crime.”

The researchers found that the change in trends with regard to permits and gun sales is directly related to Barack Obama’s presidency. Simply put, the greater the push for gun control in the wake of several mass shootings, the more Americans head to the gun shop.

“Whenever we see calls by politicians to take away the ability to exercise a fundamental civil liberty protected by the Second Amendment, people react,” Keene said, reports the Times.

And interestingly, the research shows that the stereotype of the gun-owning American “being a middle-aged white male from the South” is definitely not true anymore.

Women and minorities are getting more permits than Caucasian males, the research found. In fact, black females made up the fastest growing concealed handgun permit group. 

Larry Pratt, executive director of Gun Owners of America, told the Times that the data on black permit holders is good news for conservatives.

“That is probably one of the most encouraging findings in that whole survey,” he said. “That ought to give liberals and anti-Second Amendment folks a lot of reason to cry.”

Chattanooga Happens: When We Have Nutless Leaders Who Won’t Name Our Enemy

Townhall.com  – Doug Giles, July 19, 2015

The following was written by Ashley Intartaglia, one of my columnists onClashDaily.com. I think she speaks for all Americans who still love the U.S. and are pig sick of Islam, our pathetic leadership and morons who disallow our military the wherewithal to defend themselves on our soil. Check it out …

Today, I feel rage. Real, hateful, all-consuming rage. Which is not an emotion I feel very often. As a matter of fact, the last time I felt exactly as I feel right now was 14 years ago when terrorists flew commercial airplanes into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and a field in Pennsylvania. If it’s possible to be so angry that you can feel the blood in your veins rising in temperature…that was how I felt then, and that is how I feel now.

Because on July 16, four United States Marines and a Navy Sailor were brutally murdered on American soil by what appears to be a radical Islamic terrorist. Five people who voluntarily chose to defend this country, were shot to death, executed, on American soil.

Let me reiterate where they were murdered…by a radicalized Muslim. On American soil. To make matters worse, they faced this lone-wolf extremist completely unarmed.

While the dead gunmen who carried out this plot can be held responsible for pulling the trigger, the blood of five members of our military stains the hands of countless others in American “leadership” who have sat idle as our President protects his legacy, and neglects our safety.

What took place in Chattanooga is what happens when you don’t have the balls to name your enemy. It’s what happens when you prioritize domestic feel-good-policies over a strategy to stop evil in its tracks.

In my opinion, the calculated execution of these service members by a radicalized Muslim terrorist is equivalent to the acts of war we faced on September 11th, and when Pearl Harbor was attacked. In both cases, the loss of American life on our own soil was unacceptable, and we retaliated with full force against those who had committed such atrocities.

Like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor, the Chattanooga murders were a shot across the bow. Will we now seek justice for the fallen by finally declaring war on an enemy who is already at war with us? Or will our “leaders” stamp some asinine classification onthis shooting the same way they did with Ft. Hood, in an attempt to defer going to war. All in the name of Obama’s legacy as the “President of Peace”?

Two of the Marines and the sailor murdered yesterday leave behind children. And it’s crippling to imagine that one day those kids may have the following conversation with their mothers:

Child: Mom, how did Daddy die?

Mom: Well, sweetheart, he died serving in the Marine Corps. He was killed by a terrorist.

Child: What country was he deployed to when he died, Mom?

Mom: Well, honey…he wasn’t deployed. He was killed by that terrorist right here on American soil.

I don’t know about anyone else…but I can’t get that damn scenario out of my head. I can’t stop feeling rage because three families will have to have that conversation with their children and their grandchildren. I can’t stop feeling rage because a complete lack of “leadership” has led us to this place where our enemy is one step ahead of us.

Today, we are mourning the lives of four brave Marines and one Navy Sailor because our “leaders” are more concerned about not offending certain groups of people, than protecting this country from evil. Because they’re more concerned with the optics of the President’s term in office rather than making sure we are strong and safe from those who want to run a black sheet up the flag pole on the White House lawn.

To the families of GySgt. Thomas Sullivan, LCpl. Skip Wells, SSgt. David Wyatt, Sgt. Carson Holmquist, PO2 Randall Smith, we’re praying for you, and we stand with you. Because #MilitaryLivesMatter.

God Bless our brave men and women in uniform, and God Bless America.

6 signs that you’re a liberal who is out of touch with reality

From Young Conservatives post on Facebook:

Great compilation from Downtrend.  I would also add the “pro-choice” liberal who thinks we shouldn’t be able to decide what size Slurpee to drink, light bulb to buy, etc.

1. You think that George W. Bush caused the recent recession

You’ve probably heard the narrative promoted by the wigglejaws on MSNBC: George W. Bush caused that terrible recession that we just experienced!

Really?

What, pray tell, did George W. Bush do to cause that recession? His signature economic legislation, including the Bush tax cuts, was passed in 2001. More tax cuts were passed in 2003. How did either of these laws cause a recession which began in 2007?

The fact is this: a bunch of banks made stupid real estate loans. The real estate market crashed, and everything went sour. George W. Bush had nothing to do with it.

2. You get your news from Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart is a funny guy. That’s the problem if you get your news from him. He’s a funny guy. He’s not a news anchor. He pretends to be one, of course, but that’s part of the act.

Maybe you should consider getting your news from a news source instead of a comedian.

3. You watch MSNBC

Maybe we should clarify the point that we just made above. If you give up watching Jon Stewart and switch to MSNBC, you’re basically just watching a 24-hour version of Jon Stewart without the comedy.

Watch a legitimate news source.

4. You’re still concerned about institutional racism

A black man is in the White House and Oprah Winfrey is a billionaire. Really, what are you worried about?

5. You think that raising taxes improves the economy

Some liberals sputter the following nonsense: “Bill Clinton raised taxes back in the 1990′s and look how good the economy was back then!”

It is true that Bill Clinton raised marginal tax rates, he was also a tax cutter. In fact, Bill Clinton cut taxes on the rich by eliminating the Luxury Tax. Bill Clinton cut the capital gains tax. Bill Clinton implemented welfare reform.

There are several reasons that the economy was great back in the 1990′s. Raising taxes wasn’t one of them.

6. You’re surprised that regulations on insurance companies are causing them to raise their premiums

If you’re an out-of-touch liberal, you probably think it’s pretty cool that ObamaCare mandates that insurance companies are required to cover “children” up to 26 years old.

It may surprise you to learn, however, that the additional coverage is actually going to cost insurance companies money. And how will they raise that money? They’ll raise premiums, of course.

Really. You didn’t see this coming?

A liberal has to be out of touch with reality. Their entire worldview is a contradiction. Every now a liberal will grow up and see the world for what it is, on that day you stop calling them a liberal and start calling them a conservative.

HILLARY DRAWS RED LINE FOR REPORTERS

Hillary Clinton can now say that she has been asked questions by a national reporter, but she sure can’t say that she’s answered them. In her first national interview since her April campaign launch, the Democratic frontrunner didn’t exactly get murder-boarded. But even the limited inquiries aimed her way by CNN were waved away.
Perhaps the richest moment in the interview came when Clinton was asked about allegations of payola during her tenure as secretary of state. Clinton’s response? She’s not going to talk about that. Oh. Well in that case, let’s do talk about John Podesta’s footwear. The interviewer here should have at least made Clinton reiterate her lengthy no comment and perhaps have declined to proceed to any topic unless Clinton answered.
The closest thing one could discern to a theme from Clinton – other than her grim insistence about how much fun, fun, fun she is having – was that questions about her secret email server in office, destroyed emails, previously undisclosed overseas donations and other ethical problems were strictly the province of kooks and crackpots.
This is an approach that politicians, including Clinton, have long pursued but that has come to the fullest flower in the Obama era. Part of the purpose is to denigrate the stories for the news-consuming public. But the larger purpose is to make sure reporters stay away from these topics. And asking about them will be the brand of an enemy combatant.
It’s not just that a particular line of questioning or an angle is inappropriate or unfair, but that entire topics, including the most important one in her campaign, are verboten.
It was a short fall for Clinton from the candidate who wanted Americans to get out of their “partisan bunkers” and get into a “purple space” to the candidate who is rallying Democrats to shout down questions and relying on bunker-mentality partisanship to bring her the presidency.
It is not a coincidence that Clinton is rolling out a new economic plan next week. Feeling pressure from her left and, as this interview demonstrates, embracing a divisive and galvanizing partisan strategy Clinton is running headlong into full-blown Obamism.
And that’s a very risk bet in a country in which voters are eager for change.
[Scooby got an upgrade – Republican group America Rising got video of Clinton getting aboard a private jet in Iowa.]
Whiteness problematic – Clinton’s team yanked a tweet on Tuesday of the candidate shaking hands with a young man with prosthetic legs. The caption read in part, “I think we are a nation that really believes in a helping hand.” All good, right? …until users zoomed in on the tattoo which read “WHITE.”
[On a trip to Ireland last week, House Speaker John Boehner says he was mistaken for former President Bill Clinton. Not sure who should be offended here.]
Bernie plots Mass revolt – Boston Herald: “Bernie Sanders is planning a major offensive in one of Hillary Clinton’s favorite haunts — Massachusetts — in a bold move to shock his rival in a potentially crucial faceoff, a top Sanders strategist told the Herald. ‘I think Massachusetts could be a really pivotal, important battleground this year,’ Sanders campaign senior adviser Tad Devine said in an interview. ‘We’re going to try to put together a real organization there.’ A Sanders upset in the Massachusetts primary, scheduled for March 1, would be a major blow to Clinton, whose support is so strong here that the late Ted Kennedy dubbed it “Clinton Country” during Bill Clinton’s presidential campaign….The state also could have added juice because of home state U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, a liberal darling whose decision to take a pass on 2016 helped Sanders gain a foothold. Warren has so far kept her distance from Clinton, even heaping praise on Sanders last weekend.”
Power Play: Bernie and Joe – Do the crowds and the flood of ink on Sanders mean he’s a serious challenge to Hillary Clinton or does it portend other developments in the Democrats 2016 field? Chris Stirewalt surveys the Sanders scene, in just 60 seconds. WATCH HERE.
[Sanders is in the Washington area today to speak at a policy forum sponsored by Virginia Democrats.]
O’Malley to unveil free college plan – AP: “[Martin O’Malley] lays out a goal of debt-free tuition for all students at public colleges and universities within five years if elected president….[He] will outline his proposal [today] in New Hampshire. Focusing on college costs could help O’Malley among younger voters in New Hampshire, where the average student loan debt burden is the nation’s highest.
[O’Malley has half dozen events across New Hampshire today, beginning with and education event at St. Anselm College in Manchester and ending with Politics and Pints in Concord.]
WITH YOUR SECOND CUP OF COFFEE…
The eyes of the world may be on Greece’s economic policy, but in Athens there are still some topics that take precedence. The Greeks’ neighbors to the north in Macedonia are being supportive on fiscal questions, but certainly not about Alexander the Great. The LAT looked at the still-intense debate over which country can claim the man who more than 300 years before the birth of Jesus briefly ruled an empire that stretched from the Himalayas in the east to the borders of modern-day Romania and Libya in the west. Despite being the son of Philip of Macedon and being born in the Macedonian capitol of Pella, Greeks claim Alexander as their own on the grounds that that was actually a Greek province which was invaded by Macedonians. The article quotes a Greek governmental official saying, “Aristotle taught Alexander the Great, and they were both Greek. They would shiver in their graves today at the idea that [Slavs] who migrated to the vicinity of their region seven centuries after them, belonging to a completely different civilization, would try to change history in order to give allure to their own culture.”
Got a TIP from the RIGHT or the LEFT? Email FoxNewsFirst@FOXNEWS.COM
POLL CHECK
Real Clear Politics Averages
Obama Job Approval: Approve – 46.7 percent//Disapprove – 49.3 percent
Directions of Country: Right Direction – 31.2 percent//Wrong Track – 59.5 percent
FIRST IN FOX NEWS FIRST: PERRY CALLS OUT TRUMP
Former Texas Gov. Rick Perry fired back at Donald Trump today in a video response. Trump has made himself the target of many GOP candidates for his comments about illegal immigrants from Mexico. Presidential candidates like Perry sent tweets and made public statements declaring their disagreement with Trump, who then took to Twitter swiping back at each candidate by name. For Perry, Trump said in part, “He needs a new pair of glasses to see the crimes committed by illegal immigrants.”
Perry, speaking directly to “Donald,” touts his 14-year record of dealing with immigration issues as Texas governor and defends Mexican Americans who have fought in conflicts from “the Alamo to Afghanistan.” Perry says, “Your remarks might make for good reality TV, but they are out of touch with reality.”
[Watch Fox: Perry appears on “The Real Story” in the 2 p.m. ET hour.]
JEB, HILLARY SPAR ON IMMIGRATION
On the heels of Hillary Clinton’s first sit-down interview Tuesday, the Bush campaign wasted no time hitting back. The two frontrunners in their party nominations have each taken to calling each other out by name, making this feel a lot like July 2016 instead of July 2015. In her CNN interview, Clinton claimed Bush didn’t support a pathway to citizenship, and called Republicans hostile towards immigrants. Spokesperson for former Gov. Jeb Bush, R-Fla., hit back in a statement to the Tampa Bay Times writing, “Hillary Clinton will say anything to get elected and her numerous flip-flops on immigration prove it,” also adding Bush, “believes in a conservative legislative solution to fix our broken immigration system that includes earned legal status for those currently in the country after they pay fines and taxes, learn English, and commit no substantial crimes while securing our border.”
Roll tape – A web video posted featuring former Gov. Jeb Bush, R-Fla., attacks Hillary Clinton for her lack of action as a U.S. senator. He says that she was in the Senate eight years and only sponsored 3 bills that became law. Meanwhile, he says he knows how to take action. Watch the video here.
Makes tracks for Baier – Bush sits down with Bret Baier for Bret’s Contenders series on “Special Report.” Whatever news breaks will air tonight at 6 p.m. ET and the full profile is set to run in the days to comes. Bush is the 17^th Republican in the series. Bret has interviewed three of the five major Democratic contenders. You can see them all here.
[Bush holds an evening town hall in Hudson, N.H.]
BIG WIN FOR WALKER BACK HOME
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: “With just a few minutes to midnight, Senate Republicans passed the two-year $72.7 billion state budget Tuesday after voting to repeal salary minimums for workers on local government projects but abandon proposals that would have gutted the state’s open records law…It now goes to the Assembly, which will take up the budget Wednesday, just days ahead of Walker’s presidential campaign announcement scheduled for Monday in Waukesha.”
[WaPo’s Dan Balz visited Madison to chat with the members of Walker’s team on their strategy.]
Rubio stresses high ed changes, tax cuts, immigration reform in economic plan –  Miami Herald: “[Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Fla.] also advocated for his tax plan — which would cut the corporate-tax rate to 25 percent but has been slammed by some conservatives as doing little to spur the economy — and for rewriting immigration laws to give priority to workers needed in the economy rather than to family reunification.”
[Rubio has four events in Iowa today capped by a summer gathering hosted by State Rep. Bobby Kaufmann, R-Iowa.]
A Timesman today – While Rubio continues his feud with the NYT over coverage, he did give the paper an op-ed on the Obama administration’s decision to open an embassy in Havana. The junior senator from Florida was not impressed. “No Communist police state has ever unclenched its fist just because a McDonald’s has opened or an embassy has been established,” he said.
Carly gets a hand in Nevada – The Las Vegas Sun reports, that former state Senator Sue Lowden will run Fiorina’s Nevada campaign operations, including a fundraiser next week. Lowden is best known for running the Republican primary for senate in 2010 where she would have faced Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., but lost to Sharron Angle.
No third party for the Donald… probably  – WashEx’s Byron York talked with Donald Trump on whether he might run as a third party candidate. He hasn’t. As Trump told York, “My sole focus is to run as a Republican…because of the fact that I believe that is the best way we can defeat the Democrats.”
Kasich talks Iran – Sitting center seat last night, Gov. John Kasich, R-Ohio, talked about the Iran deal and why he thinks this administration’s tactics could have bad outcomes. “I feel that it’s very dangerous to fall in love with your own idea. And I think the administration has probably fallen in love with the fact that they want to get an agreement, and when people are hyperventilating and unable to get one, sometimes they go and they sign something that they shouldn’t.”  Watch the segment from “Special Report with Bret Baier” here.
[Kasich campaigns in the South Carolina coastal communities of Hilton Head Island and Bluffton today.]
WINNER IN PRIMARY FOR SCHOCK SEAT
AP: “State Sen. Darin LaHood won the GOP nod in Tuesday’s primary to replace disgraced ex-U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock, setting up the son of the former U.S. transportation secretary as the likely next congressman in this heavily Republican swath of central Illinois. LaHood heads into the Sept. 10 special general election heavily favored to succeed Schock after defeating anti-establishment conservative writer Michael Flynn.”
SHE DOESN’T GET IT FROM HER MOTHER
WAFF: “A vehicle crashed into a Huntsville [Ala.] driver’s license office Tuesday. According to troopers at the office on Church Street, a teenager had just finished taking a road test on the vehicle with no apparent issues. However, when the teen’s mother was driving out afterward, she ran into the front doors of the building, causing extensive damage. The woman said the brakes failed. No injuries were reported. The Huntsville police department is handling the crash investigation.”
Chris Stirewalt is digital politics editor for Fox News. Want FOX News First in your inbox every day? Sign up here.